Quicksand

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When it comes to finding love, its easy to get distracted and lose track of what we want and deserve. We tend to look past the bad qualities in people and make excuses for them, while focusing on their good even if they’re overshadowed by the bad until they no longer look like the bad qualities that they are.

I never believed it before but now I’m starting to see how nice people can appear on the outside, but also be so isolated on the inside. It’s hard to understand how people can treat others who have done everything for them, always stood by them when they needed help and then just throw it back in their face like it was nothing at all. You think you knew what humiliation and pain was with everything that you have been through, but this is a whole different kind of humility and pain that you never knew existed. It really seems like no matter what you’ve been through in life, good or bad, that you are not immune to heart ache and pain. It’s often invisible to see at first, but then reveals itself when you are the most vulnerable. This is the point when you can’t blame anyone but yourself because you refused to see it when everyone else had been warning you about it for quite some time.

         After all the time and effort falls short, it makes it harder to deal with when you have to face the question that everyone asks, why didn’t you turn away. You try and tell yourself that you felt like you had created a connection that was there and if you could only get them to see it and get them to disconnect from the evil they hold on to; it could all work out because it’s something worth fighting for. You chose to look past all the signs in front of you because you want it to work out even if the other person doesn’t care. In a relationship if there is any interference, the connection becomes weaker and eventually stops working altogether. It seems like the current that was once flowing so strong starts becoming a trickle until the electricity disappears altogether. That little “short” in the connection is enough to stop the flow of current from even developing a spark, or it does cause a spark that starts the fire destroying everything that once existed. When it comes to relationships there must be a strength to it that is formed by both individuals that creates the toughness that molds the two together. The weaker the effort on either part results in a weaker mold that can easily break apart by even the slightest pressure placed on it. No matter how strong one person is it can never stand the test of time that the world is ruthlessly going to throw your way. Bonds and molds are only as strong as the people who create them want them to be. If there’s a flaw that isn’t corrected, the structure will eventually tumble under the pressure that it wasn’t built to withstand. Life is always full of surprises and unexpected difficulties that need to be withstood. It’s like a storm that tears through without warning and you pray that you’ve created a structure that can withstand the torrents beating against your foundation.

         When you’re trying to find happiness in life it’s important that you find someone who not only compliments your strengths but also adds to them. A person who sees your weaknesses, but instead of exploiting them finds a way to fill them with strength that you didn’t have because they are there with you. Someone who you know in your heart is going to be there so you never have to say the words “I can’t do it” because you know you won’t have to do it alone. Someone who can do everything themselves but don’t have to because they have you there to lean on when they realize they aren’t alone anymore and no longer feel they have to do things on their own. Someone who appreciates the little things because sometimes they matter the most. Someone who says “I love you” or “you’ré beautiful” not because they have to, but because they want you to know how they truly feel about you.

         Don’t let yourself settle for someone who doesn’t put in the time or show any effort to spend time with you. Someone who cares more about themselves and never bothers to even ask how your day was. Someone who depends on you to build them up, but in return tear you down in the process. Someone who wants you to change for them because they’re stuck in their own ways that they feel are more important than yours. Someone who thinks their happiness is more important than yours. Someone who doesn’t see how important that you really are to them. Someone who is so negative that you no longer feel like yourself and start to feel like you’re becoming someone you don’t even recognize anymore. Stay true to who you know you are and remember that you deserve happiness and shouldn’t relinquish it for someone else who doesn’t deserve yours. Being with someone shouldn’t feel like a job, but instead a place where you can feel like you can escape and be yourself. It should feel like no matter what happens outside you can come back to them and know that they’ll be there for you no matter what. Find that person that every time you look at them all you can do is smile because in that moment nothing can compare to that feeling you get when you see them or when you’re with them. That’s when you know you’re right where you’re supposed to be.

By David Sparby

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